All He Has Left
by talv1914
Summary: One-shot. Bellatrix kills Sirius, causing Sirius to remember the night Lily and James died. When Sirius fades away, Harry is left with guilt and loneliness, beginning to hate himself.


**A/N: This is a one-shot for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition (on the topic of godparent)**

**Prompts- ****(quote) "Courage without conscience is a wild beast." Robert Green Ingersoll |****(word) stubborn(ess) | (phrase) beyond the darkness**

**I don't own HP.**

* * *

''Avada kedavra!'' Bellatrix's voice echoes through the space. It takes all three wizards a moment to realize that the curse hit Sirius, it surprises them as well.

Bellatrix disappears into the darkness, leaving Harry and Sirius alone. Harry stares at Sirius, trying to understand what happened, while Sirius starts fading; one moment all of Harry's friends were in danger, then members of the Phoenix Order appeared and saved them, causing a battle to begin, Sirius and Harry fought together though Sirius insisted Harry should leave.

The two stare at each other, the only noise heard is Harry's heavy breaths. Besides that, it seems like time froze, but Harry knows it didn't because he can see Sirius's figure turning into something similar to smoke and making him fade away slowly, yet quickly at the same time. He is too shocked to realize what is happening, thought he should know perfectly well the answer.

His godfather is staring back with a soft look, feeling compassion towards the green eyes that stare at him. Sirius can still remember the day in Godric's Hollow when he was staring into the same pair of eyes and it seems like it was only a few days ago. He is a bit sorry that this is the last time he will see Harry, but knowing that Harry is safe means much more, similarly to that day in Godric's Hollow.

* * *

Sirius was worried to say the least. The apartment in front of his was empty from human beings, as well as wizards and Death Eaters for the matter, and he had no idea where could Peter Pettigrew could be. Usually, Peter would spend this time of the day at home and if there was a change of plan Sirius would know about it. It has always been James, Peter, Remus and him and they remained close until that same day. The situation caused Sirius a bad feeling and often Sirius's feelings were right.

There were no signs of struggle, nothing unusual, not even a piece of dust that wasn't in its place. He was standing in one of the house's rooms after searching through all the others for the last half an hour. But there was nothing. ''Peter?'' Sirius tried calling through the house again.

Silence. It was a storming silence because Sirius's thoughts were racing quickly in and out of his mind. _Where could he be?_ He kept asking himself; Remus's was out of question because Sirius visited him earlier, his own house was out of question as well because Peter had nothing to do there. Only the Potter's place was left. He needed to get there, as quickly as possible.

Luckily, Sirius recalled the giant motorcycle he owned and hurried to use it. He tried to calm himself while flying, but he couldn't. He didn't think what was happening was good, thought he hoped with every bone of his body that he was wrong. He was so distracted with his thoughts that he landed automatically in front of the Potter's house, but only when his motorcycle hit the ground lightly he noticed what is in front of him.

As he got off his view blurred because of the tears in his eyes. His feet acted on their own, leading him to the remaining pieces of what used to be a house. This could not have been happening, not to him, mainly not to his best friends. They were two great wizards; they were great _people_ above all. ''Lily? James?'' Sirius called out in a shaky voice as he reaches the ruin.

_They can't be dead, no, not the Potter's_. But there was this silence again and it could mean one thing above all. _But if it is true… if they are dead, it is his fault_. Except for his friends and himself there was only one person who knew about the family's hiding place. Sirius advised _him_ as a secret keeper, the Potter's trusted that man with their lives. Merlin,_ what has he done? What have they both done?_ It was his entire fault.

''Sirius,'' he heard a sad and quiet voice behind him, as he turned around he recognized Hagrid's form trough his blurry view. ''They're gone.''

Sirius said nothing, but only then he noticed his wet cheeks. He couldn't stop, the entire time he thought that he was holding back the tears, and a sob escaped his mouth uncontrollably. A big hand was lied on his back, yet it didn't make him feel a tiny bit better. ''I should be the one dead. It should have been me.'' he murmured angrily.

''Listen,'' Hagrid's voice said, ''Harry's alive, found him myself. Here.''

That caused the man to look up to Hagrid and he recognized the small figure of his godson. ''Harry,'' he said sadly, though seeing the small boy lying calmly in Hagrid's arms made him feel better.

''You can hold 'im, if y'want to.'' The other man said.

Sirius nodded quickly and hurried to wipe his cheeks before stretching his arms towards the baby. Hagrid helped him take the baby from his arms and said, ''Was barely injured, besides that scare on his forehead.''

Sirius leant little Harry on his chest while holding him in his hands. The baby was completely awake, looking back at Sirius with his green eyes. Sirius's heart ached when he felt like he was staring at the boy's parents; he was mostly concentrated on Harry's eyes which were full of light, so much like the boy's mother's eyes. Though Harry's eyes gave him hope for something good and for forgiveness, Sirius could still feel the blame for what he caused, because Harry will have no parents, Merlin knew what will happen with him, and his parents will probably never get to see him grow up.

''I can take him… I can take care of him.'' Sirius said without looking up from Harry's eyes.

''Truth's Dumbledore asked me to take Harry to 'im. He wants t'send 'im to Lily's muggle sister.'' Hagrid said uncomfortably and scratched his head.

Sirius's first instinct was to refuse, but then he realized that Dumbledore was doing the right thing. Sirius felt like he caused Lily and James's death, obviously he wasn't as smart as he thought, and he had no actual idea about how he should raise the child. He wasn't a parent. He loved Harry with his entire heart; he hoped the boy would become similar to his father, Sirius's best friend. That was why letting someone else take care of him would be the right thing to do.

''Alright,'' Sirius said and sniffed his nose, ''you should use my motorcycle for transformation.''

He smiled down at the little boy; his smile was full with hope because Harry is his opportunity for forgiveness. If Harry will be raised well, be a good wizard and person, then Sirius will be able to forgive himself and maybe everyone else as well. Harry can be his ray of light.

* * *

As Sirius's figure disappears, Harry starts screaming in protest. He isn't sure what is coming out of his mouth, because his thoughts mix with what he wants to say, creating a mess. All that he knows for sure is that Sirius can't be gone, he just can't. For a few seconds all he can see is the smoke-like trail left from Sirius, but then it is gone as well. All Harry can see is the empty space in front of him and it makes him mad. Someone grabs Harry and holds him, causing him to try and fight the arms which hold him. He can't let Sirius go, he can't be gone. He was the closest thing Harry had to a parent, he couldn't just vanish; he couldn't be gone, not this easily, not at all.

Harry keeps fighting as time passes by. They shouldn't hold him back, they can't let Sirius die. The people around Harry, they couldn't understand. Sirius is all the family Harry has, like Ron has his parents and siblings; Harry has Sirius.

One of the clearest thoughts which cross Harry's mind is that he should have done more. He should have been more stubborn when Sirius asked him to stay, he was the one who should have fought against Lucius, or at least they could have worked as a team, instead of letting Sirius take care of everything and pay for it with his life. Not to mention that Harry was the reason Sirius had gotten into this situation in the first place; he was the one who couldn't handle it on his own. It was all his fault and it coasted him with the only real family he had.

This is what happens when he lets other people be the brave ones for him; Merlin only knows where it can end. He became orphan, no parents and no god father, no family at all and he could easily take all the blame for that.


End file.
